The State Fishwrapper

This is why I loath journalists and newspapers. They put out birdcage lining material like this crap. I mean football season is about to start. This isn't June, there are real stories out there. But, the good folks at The State (Colombia's daily newspaper) decided to trash our minds with this garbage.

My thoughts, because I know you want to know.

1. Can the Gamecocks win the SEC East? Sure they will certainly improve on last year's record. The schedule is favorable. They return quite a few starters including Blake Mitchell and Sidney Rice. Oh and they have the best coach in the league.
2. I love this storyline. People, put down the Ole Miss Kool-Aid Who cares if Brent Schaffer shows up at Ole Miss or not. IT'S FREAKIN' OLE MISS!!!!!!!!! They will improve. Heck, they might even beat someone they shouldn't and get to a bowl game. However, Brent Schaffer is about as important to the overall SEC Championship race as he is to the Middle East conflict. Uh oh, I just made The Orgeron mad, postings will be light for a few days while I relocate to a mud hut in Tanzania.
3. Another storyline that no one will remember come October. Well except for Alabama fans, who are now convinced that Auburn will be on probation next year. Granted, I have a bias, but is there another coach in America that is as good at being a politician than Tommy Tuberville? This is a non-story and The Teflon Coach will make it disappear by the third game of the season.
4. I can’t agree more. Phil Fulmer will not be fired this season. Well, unless he loses every single SEC game. And that will not happen. The most important thing for The Big Pumpkin is that his team is undisciplined and that falls directly on the coach. He needs to correct that to get the program back to a high level. Auburn fans see the Tennessee situation and breathe a huge sigh of relief because they know that this is what Auburn would have been under The Munchkin.
5. Okay, finally a question that actually relates to football. A very interesting question at that. Russell is going to be the starter. He is more talented than both Flynn and Perrilloux (damn Cajun names). And contrary to most fans’ opinions, the most talented guys play. Even at quarterback. Yes, it takes some brains to play quarterback, but this still isn’t Nuclear Physics. This will be the central question for Les Miles, how does he remain steadfastly behind Russell when he starts struggling and the LSU fans start voicing their opinion (calmly and rational, no doubt) that Flynn or Perrilloux starts or sees significant playing time. This is where a coach has to be confident in his and his assistant’s decisions. That is a scary thought for LSU fans because Miles has appeared anything but confident so far.
6. Again another interesting quarterback discussion, but one that is a little clearer. Stafford is the guy for the future. So, do you insert him early and let him struggle behind an entirely new offensive line? Or do you let Tereshinski get his playing time this year, with limited duty being given to Stafford? Hmm, what to do Mark Richt? Oh yeah, you have handled this before with David Greene and D.J. Shockley. Georgia fans, don’t sweat this. The most important thing is for the offensive line to play well and the defense to step up. Those two factors are more important to UGA’s success this year than who plays quarterback.
7. Unfortunately, this could be a real bummer for Alabama fans and really everyone in the SEC. This guy is a play maker and the fact that he may not play this year is a disappointment because the league needs playmakers like him. You hate to see a guy get injured and it would be even worse he comes back too early and gets hurt again. Tyrone Protho, do you want my opinion? Stay out the entire year until the Iron Bowl. Then try to beat Auburn and end that nasty little four game losing streak. If you do that, you don’t have to worry about walking ever again. You could live in Alabama and be carried around the entire time.
8. Let’s see, Arkansas has Darren McFadden who could make Adrian Peterson look like a wanna-be and people want to know if they will throw the football all over the place? Oh that’s right they have a Dick at quarterback and his backup is a true freshman. Come on, Houston Nutt is crazy, but not that crazy. I mean yeah he handed over the offensive reigns to a high-school football coach, but … well wait a minute. Actually, this is a good question, Coach Nutt are you crazy enough to believe a high-school football coach can design a passing scheme that will work against the conference with the best defensive talent and coaching in the country? That is a good question.
9. Another smokescreen from Florida backers. Let me explain this to you people in the easiest terms possible. Senior quarterbacks who have started for one or two years are a precious commodity. Tossing them aside is like throwing away good quality scotch because that new quince flavored vodka is all the rage. Is Leak a perfect fit for The Pope’s version of da Spread? No. Does he perform well under pressure or when he gets knocked down? Like most quarterbacks, nope. Does he have a solid arm and the experience of playing in the SEC? Yep. Case Closed.
10. Of all the absurd questions on this list, this is perhaps the most absurd. I can’t tell you who will win the SEC. I can’t tell you if the sun will rise tomorrow. But I can tell you that Vanderbilt will not have a better record this year than they did last year. Again, they had a senior quarterback last year. A guy who very well might be STARTING FOR THE BRONCOS THIS YEAR. No, not Boise State, the Denver Broncos. They play professional football in this thing called the NFL. Anyhow, look at what happens to solid programs when they lose a senior quarterback. Do you really think Vandy is going to be better than they were last year?

Well, there you have it, a breakdown of everything that is important to the SEC race this fall. Uhh, yeah. Stay tuned, team-by-team previews should be posted over the next few days.