Coming to a store near you…..

While these folks have the religious market kind of cornered, although there could be a Mohammedpan, along with associated rioting, or a Buddhapan, they don’t realize the goldmine they are sitting on.

Think about it. You could run a college football line. Bopan. Vincepan. Herschelpan. Spurrierpan. Knutepan. Bowdenpan. Even a TerryBowdenpan for the little silver dollar pancakes. I’m salivating.

How about a basketball line? Roypan. Kpan. Knightpan that cusses at you when you flip the pancake or grilled cheese.

“This is gold Jerry. Gold I tell you.”

I expect royalties people.

Ready for Launch

As was anticipated for the last few weeks, Roger Clemens agreed to rejoin the Astros for the remainder of this season. His first scheduled start is June 22, 2006 in the Juice Box against the Twins (please say it is against Johan Santana, please oh please).

Anyhow, the immediate reaction of most Astros fans has been either muted celebration or wild elation bordering on delusional thoughts of grandeur.

However, as you get further from Houston, reality has seemed to take hold.

Does Rocket make the Astros better? Of course, you don’t add a guy with six Cy Youngs and not get better. He is certainly better than any of the three young pitchers that are filling in right now (Rodriguez, Nieve, or Buchholz). Plus, there will be some carry over to the pitching staff and position players just from his presence. However, as a pitcher, Clemens was not nearly as fearsome in the NLCS or World Series last year as Oswalt, Petitte, or even Brandon Backe. Additionally, he can not hit and that has been the Astros downfall this year. The Astros are 13th in the NL in team batting average, 11th in runs scored, 10th in RBIs, and 9th in on-base percentage. Opponents have outscored the Astros by 22 runs this season. While Clemens will help with that, keep in mind that in nine games last year that he pitched in the Astros were shutout.

The bigger question is if the Astros were willing to spend 22 million dollars (really 12.6 million after proration) on a guy who will give them at most seven or eight wins, why not push harder on Miguel Tejada this past offseason? The Astros have a bevy of young arms in their farm system. The three youngsters they have now show promise. Another bat in the lineup, a proven bat that doesn’t strike out like Private Punchout, was needed and the Astros seemingly have the money and are willing to spend it.

This signing was done in the hopes of making the playoffs. If Houston does reach the playoffs they are a dangerous team when you consider they will throw Oswalt, Petitte, Clemens, and Backe. The real question is can they fight off the Reds and Cardinals for the division title or one of those two teams and/or Philly, the Mets, or Atlanta for the Wild Card. To be continued……