A Brief History Lesson

Memorandum

To: Will Muschamp, Defensive Coordinator Extraordinaire of the Auburn Tigers

From: Buford T. Justice
Re: Arkansas Backup Tailbacks

Mr. Muschamp,

First, let me thank you for contributing your defensive genius to the Auburn Football team. You sir are both a scholar and a gentleman.

My topic of note this week is reserve tailbacks at Arkansas. I feel that it is my duty to shed light on the fact that backup tailbacks for the Razorbacks seem to be the windshield to the Auburn defense’s bug. I know that you were a graduate assistant in 1995 and 1996. However, this issue with backup tailbacks has really been acute since roughly 1999.

I personally was able to witness two Auburn-Arkansas games (2001 and 2002) that single-handedly provided a paycheck to Fred Talley in the NFL. It was bad enough that he got away with it in 2001, but 2002 was especially painful given that his performance was in conjunction with a 426 yard undressing of Auburn. Needless to say, a repeat of this type of performance will not endear you to the hearts of the faithful at Jordan-Hare this weekend.

I know that those 2001 and 2002 teams featured Matt Jones and Cedric Cobbs. I understand that it is sometimes tough to prepare for more than two guys. I mean Jon Lovett could only do so much. Plus, tackling was never Auburn’s strong suit in the early Tuberville years.

Due to this history lesson, I feel it is my obligation to ensure that you become intimately familiar with this gentleman:

I'm Felix Jones

His name is Felix Jones. He is the backup to Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Yes, it is amazing that the God-like tailback has a backup, but it is so. Mr. Jones is 6’-0” and weighs 208. He is a sophomore and is known by the nickname “The Cat.” This is due in part to his given name and to his ability to evade capture. “The Cat” has two known aliases Freel Lovine and Luscious Sullivan. Please be aware, this man has trained at the foot of a master of guile, the man’s full name is not known, but he goes by the assumed moniker of “The Nutter.” No known pictures of “The Nutter” have ever been produced.

“The Nutter” is wanted for questioning in the matter of a stolen game plan for Clueless Mike of Tuscaloosa. I believe you know Clueless.

As I have mentioned, Jones is particularly adept at disguise and trickery. You will not know he is present until he has already damaged you and your defense. This man is considered extremely dangerous. Please heed this warning and prepare.

Regards,



Buford T. Justice
President and CEO of What Would Buford Say?
Humble Sheriff of Texarkana County, Texas