Roger Clemens Throws At His Kid!!!!

Who is this guy? The Duke? (look at the bottom of the article)

"...he leads the league in saves, strikcouts per inning, and hit batsmen. I think he threw at his own son in a father-son game." - Harry Doyle, "Major League"

Well, it wasn't a father-son game but still pretty funny. I would have to admit that is great for Koby Clemens. He shows up the old man and corks one out of the park.

Please God, let August get here soon

I'm usually not a huge Spring practice kind of guy. I will make some posts about it if anything interesting comes up. And by interesting, I mean beyond Tuberville saying something like, "Well, we hit it hard today. The guys were a little rusty, but that is to be expected. We are just hoping we can string a few together this year, maybe win one or two games."

Right now, I'm more interested in March Madness and baseball season, both college and pro.

The Real World Interrupts

Demands of the real world have kept me from updating as much as I would like. Yes, I have a real job, I’m not sitting at my computer searching the net in my Auburn footie PJs. Well okay, I’m surfing the net most of the time at work, just not in the PJs. Although, if I could figure out a way to do that…..

A few updates for the last couple days:

Shula’s New Contract

Congrats to Mike Shula on the new contract. This might sound shocking, but I think he deserves it. He hasn’t embarrassed the school, he has recruited well and has stabilized the program. Frankly, it is an embarrassment that the head coach of uat was making around the same money as the head coach at Mississippi State. Clearly, Shula’s job is much more involved than Croom’s.

It is hard to judge Shula’s performance. His first year has to be tossed out. The Bear would have lost 6 games that season given the lack of time, etc. His second year was decent and obviously last year uat probably achieved about what could be expected with the talent they had on defense and a senior quarterback. “What,” say all the guys with the crimson bike shorts on, “son, I believe they overachieved last year.” I say no. The talent was there due to the free-spending ways of the Dubose era (yes, Albert Means wasn’t the only guy they paid) and the schedule was soft. Take those four things (talent, senior quarterback, talent, and soft schedule) and you get 10-2.

But now, Shula’s problem is that uat fans are going to expect a lot more for that $2 mil. He is going to have to start beating Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee on a regular basis. He is 1-8 against them (I might be off by one win, no time to check the records….you know work and all) and that will not suffice. I think it is pretty safe to say that if Shula goes 16-8 over the next two years, losing all the games against Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee, he will not be the head coach any longer. And actually, that was probably the plan all along. He reminds me of Terry Bowden (except he recruits better), a caretaker coach who is only in the job for six years maximum.

My personal opinion is that the defense will win 7 or 8 games a year, but they will continue to lose to teams that are evenly matched talent-wise because the offense is absolutely horrid.

Redbirds Salary Spending

Bernie Miklasz makes an excellent point in his column last Thursday. The owners of the Redbirds have to realize that they have some of the greatest fans in the game. People who have supported the team through thick and thin. Hence, they must do whatever it takes to win the World Series. Personally, I think the Redbirds have been close that last two years, but a combination of better teams (mostly better pitching) and untimely injuries (Scott Rolen, Chris Carpenter, Reggie Sanders and Larry Walker) have cut short great runs. I disagree with Bernie because I think that ownership will give Walt Jocketty the tools needed to win. Maybe not in a Steinbrenner-esque orgy way, but certainly in a way that will allow the team to succeed.

Now whether this means getting rid of Tony LaRussa, well, we shall see.

Don't tug on Superman's cape....

Jim Croce could provide a little lesson for Stephen Ames:

You don't tug on Superman's cape

You don't spit into the wind

You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

And you don't mess around with Jim, da do da do...

What was he thinking exactly? Possible thoughts:

1. I haven't had a good ass raping in awhile. I forget what it feels like.
2. Janet Jones told me there's money in it for me if I take a dive.
3. Who is this Eldrick gentleman you speak of?

Note to Stephen Ames and every mid-Major Division I football or basketball team, the first rule of an upset is to have your opponent looking past you. This means you remain as quiet as possible. Instead Ames acted like Pat Robertson at a gay pride parade.

Muschamp to Tuberville: "I don't like free safeties that look into the backfield on obvious passing downs and try to tackle flat-footed."

An okay day went to a great day when I read the news that Will "Flat Foot" Herring is switching from free safety to linebacker. I have been amazed at how the coaching staff has continued to play Herring at free safety when he has a habit of getting caught flat-footed as a wide receiver runs straight by him. Obviously the most egregious example was the Sugar Bowl two years ago, but there have been other instances where poor safety play has allowed offenses to get big plays on Auburn's defense. I wonder if this was/is a Gene Chizik problem given Texas' propensity to give up big plays this year, but I digress. This whole time I was wondering where the great secondary talent the coaching staff said had been recruited the last few years was hiding. I mean how crappy is Tony Bell if he couldn't beat out Will Herring.

Of course, now I wonder if I should be scared that Herring is going to be playing strong-side linebacker. Again, Auburn will have a linebacker that weighs 210 lbs. This is practically a huge neon sign that says, "Grind it out on the ground against us. We can't stop it." This is not a problem if the offense is able to generate points, but when the offense has a bad day, you get a Capital One Bowl loss.

At least we are not last....

Auburn beat Mississippi State last night, 75-71, to virtually assure itself of not being the worst team in the SEC this season. There will be celebrating and dancing in the streets now.

Of course prior to the game last night, the university announced that Josh Dollard has been suspended indefinitely for a violation of team rules. So essentially a team that had virtually no frontcourt depth to begin with is now without Dollard's 9.1 points a game.

This team was not going to make the postseason anyway, but I wonder how the potential loss of Dollard will affect the team next year. Then again, he violated team rules, so he has to sit.

The Weekly Brainiac Idea - February 22, 2006

I saw a commercial last night for EA Sports' Fight Night Round 3 and thought, why hasn't Mike Tyson's Punchout been updated?

Think of the possibilities, you could fight as Little Mac and make your way through the bevy of fighters listed in the original, such as Glass Joe, King Hippo and Soda Popinski. Ultimately, you could face off with "Iron Mike" himself. Of course, you have to survive the ear biting.

You could also play in "career" mode and go through the training, pre-fight press conferences, paternity tests and obligatory rape trial.

Junior, get me Mike Tyson's agent on the horn.

Charles Barkley - Hall of Famer?

It is strange, but I never really thought of Barkley as a Hall of Famer. Kevin Scarbinsky lays the case for Barkley out on the table and I find myself agreeing with him. However, I still can't get over my feelings that Charles was not a superstar in the NBA when he played. Admittedly, my NBA experience consisted of watching Jordan and that was about it, but wasn't that the case for most casual NBA fans in their mid-20s to mid-30s? We went from Magic and Bird to Michael. No one else seemed to be playing. The more I think about it though, I agree that guys like Barkley, Ewing, Pippen, Olajuwon, Ewing, and Malone were great players even if they weren't as great as Michael.

I'm the greatest. No, I'm the greatest.

If you haven't been watching the feud between Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis, the two American long track speed skaters.....well, you have been on another planet. I find this absolutely hilarious.

So, these two guys jaw at each other for about a week, with the last few days being particularly nasty. Then they go out hell bent to beat each other and steal the spotlight one last time and they get beat by an Italian. Congratulations to Enrico Fabris for winning the gold and making these two look like a bunch of five year olds.

I'm Calling Bud Selig....

Hey Bud, here's a novel idea, why not just give Barry Bonds 48 home runs and spare everyone outside of San Francisco the Barry-lovefest that will take place?

First off, I don't believe Barry is serious when he says he's definitely quitting after this season? If he manages to only hit 40 dingers this season, he's coming back to break the record. Secondly, isn't it a foregone conclusion that he will break the record? Does anyone think he won't?

Barry's a great player, a sure hall of famer and deserves to be in the conversation of greatest player ever. But am I the only one who is dreading the nonstop coverage by the WorldWide Leader? USC was bad enough this past December, now Barry.

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!

Bill Simmons visited Houston over the weekend and hated it. Considering his posts from the SuperBowl two years ago, this was not that much of a surprise.

Honestly, Bill should not have stayed in the Galleria area. That was poor planning on his part. He should have been downtown. I could have told him that. Of course, if The Worldwide Leader put him up, then he may not have had a choice.

Here is the most humorous part of the column:

...and yet Houston pulled off the Ultimate Pro Sports Trifecta in a 24-month span, despite the fact that it's a sprawling city with traffic...

This from a guy who resides in Southern California. Very nice.