Myles Brand: "They will rue the day......."

In a landmark decision by collegiate sports' governing body, the NCAA has decided to ban automobile dealerships within 100 miles of any college campus in America. "Given the situation that developed at Oklahoma with Rhett Bomar, the member institutions can no longer tolerate the kind of renegade behavior that occurs at these so-called places of business," said Myles Brand, President of the NCAA, in a statement this afternoon.

Earlier this week it was revealed that Rhett Bomar, the probable starting quarterback for the University of Oklahoma Sooners, was paid $18,000 for working at Big Red Sports and Imports. Bomar and J.D. Quinn, an offensive lineman for the Sooners who also was employed by the dealership, were found to have only worked 5 hours per week while being paid for 40 hours. Both Bomar and Quinn were dismissed from the team.*

The ruling will likely end the practice of summer jobs for football players at car dealerships. When asked about the possible consequences for a school not complying with the ruling, Mr. Brand responded, "Two words, Death Penalty. I'm not afraid to come down hard on Southwestern Oklahoma State University or Northeastern Oklahoma A&M University. This is a serious ruling. Schools should be aware that we will have no mercy."

The ties between car dealerships and big time university athletics are legendary. Several universities have come under scrutiny for the numbers of athletes that are employed by car dealerships. Typically, the jobs these athletes have involve washing cars, running paperwork, or hanging out in the parts department smoking weed.

John David Wallings, a quarterback for East Texas Technical University, puts the jobs into perspective. "The job is pretty tough. I mean it's not easy putting in a solid ten hours every week. They only pay me $85 an hour. That's nothing. That doesn't even cover one night of partying during the summer."

Only one coach would comment on the record for this story. "As long as they don't rule against athletes driving cars, I don't have a problem with it [the ruling]," said Jim Tressel, head coach at Ohio State University.

-Contributing to this report were James Rittenburg in Indianapolis, Molly Williams in Norman, and Norm Clunky in Columbus. Pete Thamel was busy investigating whether the Wal-Mart in Auburn, Alabama is giving extra ham to Auburn football players when they get cut lunchmeat at the deli counter.

*The only true paragraph of this post.